Important! I’m not editing these questions. Spell check, folks. Proofread. Like I mentioned in the first “Questions Answered” post, give a shit, people! Why should your questions be answered if you don’t show the respect of presenting the question with some decent spelling and grammar? So any errors in the questions comes directly from the inquisitor.  I just cut and paste.

The Bodytribe Iron Syndicate deadlifts for reps

Q: Hi, I’m quite stocky, 6’1 and quite a lot of fat, however I would like to achieve an athletic body, which is not just big for appearance, but athletically tuned, so balanced for all kinds of sports and outdoor activities. Is your blog mainly about bulking up or will blog be able to give me some insight into achieving this, in terms eating healthier and specific types of exercise? I’ll appreciate any help you can give.

A: My blog? Bodytribe.com or Tumblr? Either way, it’s the gospel of movement and ability. An “athletic body” is one that is capable of many things, while honing longevity both physical and metaphysical so as to always improve itself and therefore the tribe. This brings us back to the 3 basics, Train Hard, Eat Well, Rest Hard, and my words are often geared as to how, and more importantly WHY, the three basics are so important. Will that lead to being “athletically tuned” (good term, by the way)? Yup. But your goal is stated in a haze…are ya gearing up to be athletic, or just look like you are? Well one leads to the other. Can ya guess which order?

Darrin about to go for a walk. A heavy walk.

Q: When you say fitness industry nonsense what do you mean?

A: One of my favorite questions so far. The Fitness Industrial Complex is rooted in selling you aesthetic perfection, which is not actually fitness. I write a great deal more about it here .  And I offer the antithesis to the philosophical vacuum that is the modern fitness sham here .

A discarded tire filled with some dumbbells makes for a cheap but effective tool.

Q: Given that one would need to create a deficit of about 1000 calories per day to lose 2 pounds of fat per week, is this at all realistic to do? I really want to lose weight fast but I am trying to do it correctly.

 A: Wanna lose weight really fast? Chop off a limb. An arm is good for about 15 pounds… gone! Just like that. Now tell me your real goal… to be healthier? No, not if you’re so stuck on the concept of rapid weight loss. It’s to become more appealing. Ya wanna crank up the hotness factor. So the big question is really “why is that important?”

Hey, it is something we all strive for, but it isn’t a fitness goal.  Aesthetic attraction is an outcome of fitness, a required byproduct if the three basics are met (Train Hard, Eat Well, Rest Hard), but it isn’t a fitness issue.  You’ll look your best when you’re in the best health, but looking good doesn’t instantly mean you are IN your best health. Get it?

Rapid weightloss is not a fitness goal, since fitness, especially the concept of holistic wellness that I subscribe to, entails creating a better relationship between you and your body.  That is antithetical to rapid weightloss, and if you don’t understand that, then rephrase the question to “Why isn’t rapid weightloss healthy” and then I’ll answer it.

Oh, and strong is hot. Ability is sexy. Confidence and embodiment will turns heads and various other body parts.

 Q: Not only do I like your blog (haha I found it) but I also am OBSESSED with you secretly. Ok here we go.. I got this idea from a Tumblr spam I got once lol.. I think you like me too and you were always too shy to admit it :3 go to crushmatches(dót)com (wtf it wont let me link regular) and make an account there. Then look up the profile ‘gottagetme19′ (me obviously) I left body pictures.. if you can guess who I am hit me up and we’ll hang soon. You need a C C but its free

 A: Wow, you’re so right… I’m obsessed with YOU too!  And I AM too shy to admit it. You must be as awesome as I always thought, Spambot, so you should visit my page that I created to celebrate my love for you.  It’s called doilooklikeafuckingidiot.com, and if you sign on (don’t worry, it’s free), you can check out the pictures I’ve posted dedicated to my crush on you.

Q: You’ve probably been asked this a hundred times, but what is your work out schedule?

 A: Why, wanna join me? And, strangely enough, I haven’t been asked that much at all, so thanks for thinking of me. 3-4 days a week, plus small 5-10-minute sessions of mobility flows or bodyweight exercises throughout the week

Q: what are the best exercises to gain chest size and definition especially in the middle of your chest?

 A: The middle of your chest? Like if I drew a target on each pec, the dot that would be dead center? Of course not, you mean where the muscle attaches to the sternum, that area between the pecs. Well, the answer is the same for either… if you’re as big and strong as you’re going to get, and it hasn’t happened yet, then it ain’t gonna. The shape of the muscle has centuries of genes determining how it will form, although you can work on making it both bigger and stronger. How? Train Hard, Eat Well, Rest Hard… ya know, the 3 basics I always mention. Push something away from you or push yourself away from something, then the chest is working. Presses of all sorts, pushups of all sorts… those types of things.  Is there a magic one?  Despite the legends and myths of the bodybuilding world, no. Just put some gusto into the movements of choice… make it heavy and execute it with competence.

As for ‘definition,’ eat better.

Oh, and ask yourself why this goal stands out as one that needs pursuing. Is the rest of your body so strong, built and jaw dropping that only the middle of the chest is left? Or perhaps you woke up one day and discovered that, during the night a sinkhole appeared between your boobs and now ya want to fill it in with muscle. Well, whatever the reason, you rarely find folks with seriously strong lifting skills worrying about the middle of their chests.  So lift hard and get strong… the body will follow.

 Q: I am a full-time college student and a part-time worker. I am a bit full with projects right now as well. I registered for a 5k at the end of November, and have been doing a lot of sprints to increase my endurance/recovery time. My workout regime has me working out M-Sat for an hour with Sunday off. Today, after last nights sprints, classes, and work i was/am SO tired. I can’t tell when my body REALLY needs a break, or if this is a time to push myself. I want to lose the last 10 lbs.

A: Whoa, whoa… wait.  You wanna lose 10 pounds or ya wanna do good on a 5k? Yes, you’re depending on volume, and probably a bit much of it. Sprints are great, but by definition, they’re fast, requiring a lot of energy from all the systems of your body. Do them better, not more. And eat.  I’m going to guess you’ve restricted your calories while increasing your volume.  Oops. Big mistake.

So yes, take a break.  And for the love of Cthulu, do something other than run.

Odessa fishes her 400m in the early morning sun.

Q: Hey! I really like your website and youtube. Im a 17 year old boy and Im just getting into fitness. Got any tips for a beginer?

 A: Oh, that’s a real big question, one I could write an entire book on. In fact, I sort of did, although my first book is geared towards any level of lifter. Here’s your lifelong homework: define “fitness” and define “strength.” Ya can’t achieve what isn’t defined.  Don’t worry, your definitions are allowed to evolve over time. But once you begin defining them, then you can at least have answers as to what it is your looking for.  Then you can ask more specific questions, and seek out folks who might have some good ideas on the subject.

In fact, when you come up with your definitions, feel free to share them here.  Then you might have more questions. And I’ll have more answers.

Revisiting an old picture from our archives or Al front squatting.

Q: heyyy I’m 102 and i back sqaut 85, how much do you recommend that i max out?

 A: I have no idea what you’re asking. How much weight should your max effort squat be? “How much” in terms of volume? What is the actual question? Is our language dead, or am I being picky? Are you 102 pounds? Kilos?  Years old?

Q: I can do pistols and 3rd world squats. I am currently working on my Cossacks. Do you have any special tricks or progressions? Either my heel comes off the ground or I need to hold something in front of me to avoid losing balance to the rear.

 A: I like this question, and although it seems strange that someone who can pistol and ass-to-grass squat can’t do a Cossack, it is more common than one might think, and for good reason. Some bodies are quite capable at sagittal movements, but hold tension that creates difficulty in lateral movements. I bet if you took a hard medicine ball and attempted to roll your adductors on it, they’d feel tight and painful. And your TFLs and glutes might need some love, both through tissue manipulation (rolling, massage) and probably a dose of strength work as well.

Oh, there’s more… I’d wanna see what your pelvis and spine do during any squat, and lateral mobility of the ankle join might be fun to play with, but I won’t babble on.  Let’s keep things simple.  Keep practicing the Cossack, slowly and deliberately, like a yoga asana, and make sure to hang out at your lowest position for a bit with the constant thought of ‘proud, sit back, bend the knee.’ But also make sure you’re taking your recommended daily dose of mobility and tension release work as well. From yoga asanas to isolated joint mobility drills and a huge bunch of stuff in between, those hips wanna open up a bit.

At about 1:22 in this video, my buddy Tav has some fun with Cossacks, if you’d like to see someone who is far better than I do them.

Q: Hello, I am one of those people that is comfortable with my weight; however I want to become stronger. I am very weak and I truthfully don’t like that at all. How can I become stronger physically with a lack of resources? I don’t have a gym and the only weights I own are 5 to 10 lbs weights…. Is there anything I can do?? Thanks.

A: Hallelujah. Yes, there is plenty you can do.  Here’s the beautiful story of the fitness industry… you don’t really need it. You’ve got enough to work with just by being a pawn in gravity’s game.

Ever seen a weak gymnast? We’ve got plenty of challenges against gravity’s dogma without needing any equipment, or even much space. From the hundreds of pushup variations, to the array of squat and lunge possibilities, not to mention the world of movement and strength involved in hand balancing and gymnastics, you’ve got a lifetime of opportunity to get incredibly strong without anything more than YOU.

Listing the exercises would probably be a waste of time if you don’t have the chance to learn what they are, but a bit of research into bodyweight movements will yield a plethora of potential. Here’s a burpee video that is part of my Brutal Recess DVD that offers some playful, but intense, ideas (and also features Tav)…

Q: Hey there, your blog is really inspiring me! I have been wanting to start working out and gaining muscle but I am extremely busy. What would you suggest for strength training for someone with very strenuous schedule?

A: This is similar to the last question in that you’re missing an important resource, in this case, Time. I’ve got a ritual I perform on days that seem to leak the hours away. It’s a 3-minute workout (but can be expanded accordingly), and requires very little equipment and only a modicum of space. I pick 3 exercises, usually just bodyweight unless I have some heavy toy lying around, like a sandbag or kettlebell (or drunken dwarf). I do each exercise for 1 minute.

That’s it. I repeat it for 5 days, trying to beat my number each time.  If I did 30 pushups at the beginning of the 5 days, you bet your ass I’m gunning for at least 2-3 more every day.

I have a loose template I follow. Something from the pushup list (lots of possibilities), something hip related (jump squats, knee ups, split squats, switch lunges, etc) and something involving everything, like a burpee variation (see the burpee video I posted above). If I have the chance, I’d include pull-ups of some sort, but the chance of having something to hang from might not always exist.

Oh, did I mention that technique ALWAYS trumps volume? If something starts to suck, stop doing it, shake the arms and legs out and start again only when you can get more reps with pure form. They can be fast, they just can’t be sloppy. Practice makes permanent, and we don’t need our bodies learning permanent slop.

Is there anything magical about a minute each, or only 3 exercises? Of course not. This is simply my example of some ass-whuppin’ in a short amount of time. If three minutes can be brutal (and it can), imagine what 5-10 minutes can be, if the focus, intensity and technique are spot on.

More to come next week as Tumblr seems to bring me questions daily.

_________________________________________

It all started with a dream…

I looked down at the strange gliff-and-code phrase on the napkin from a Sunset Strip bar and translated it.

Anyone
Someone
Everyone

These were the words found on a similar napkin given to the guitar player of Agent Orange by their singer, Gabby Hayes, the night they both died. At least that’s what it said in my dead rock star guide book that I was using as a connect-the-dots map while I toured around LA.

C’mon, you’ve had this dream too, right? Well, that sacred napkin rune was enough to wake me from this dream, excited and contemplative. Thankfully, no one in Agent Orange has actually died, and Mike Palm looks nothing like Gabby Hayes (but does have slight resemblance to Gibby Haynes of the Butthole Surfers, whose name sounds a little like Cory Haim… is that my subconscious making intricately tricky connections?).

The real Gabby

The 'dream' Gabby, Mike Palm

The Giddy...

... and the Haim.

I’m sorry… where was I?

Anyone
Someone
Everyone

“Chip” is not on my birth certificate. It was bestowed upon me at birth, though, and although it lacks the respectability of being on that important document, I do consider it my ‘real’ name (mostly through familiarity, not by winning any cool points). This is not my exclusive party; a great percentage of my friends refer to themselves with names other than the moniker that claims first chair on their early paperwork.

Imagine, if you will, being in a position of such great respect (or in a mind-numbing ego trip) that you would answer to the name Guru of the Blissful Refuge. There are two important things you should do to earn such a name, and I’m going to let you guess what they are.

That’s right, first you’d need to become a guru, and then you’d need a pretty groovy pad, so groovy in fact, that you could label it not only a refuge, but a blissful one at that.

The Guru

Recently some words from someone who actually does answer to the name Guru of the Blissful Refuge (that’s him above, for reals) jumped into my consciousness and held a forum there. The good Swami, a devotee of Bhakti yoga, was a highlighted subject of a recent documentary on modern yoga practices, called Enlighten Up. The film’s premise was to take a new comer to yoga (or at least our westernized concept of it) and steep him in it with the goal of his discovering enlightenment. The filmaker and director herself was a long time practitioner of yoga, yet it was never quite explained why she herself had not ‘found enlightenment’ yet.

Although beautifully filmed, the movie fell tragically short of its intended premise… or did it? There was a fascinating final interview with the aforementioned Guru that so blatantly laid out the differences of western thought and the original concepts of yoga, it was a little shocking when the film’s subject, and the film’s director, missed the point entirely.

Enlightenment, like fitness, wealth, heck, success in general, is a very individual pursuit in our culture, often using fancy language like actualization to veil a selfishness in the quest. We seek enlightenment, we search for it, we build personal campaigns to find it (and make documentaries of the process). It is a path to rise above. That seems to be a very Western goal, this rising above. We find all sorts of ways to attempt it, and we have very strong judgment calls on the value of the goal. To rise above at the suffering of others, through greed, domination or violence is bad. But rising above through this supposedly benign pursuit of enlightenment would wear a more positive badge. We’d call it ‘good.’

But to the bhakta, one who follows the bhakti marga – the bhakti way – ‘enlightenment’ has nothing to do with rising above, searching or finding. In fact the root of yoga, the actual meaning of the word, is to ‘come together;’ in their case, to come together with God. BUT, do not make the mistake that God is referred to as a literal higher being, one that coming together with would mean ‘rising above’ the riffraff of humanity. It is much simpler, and more, uh, bonding then that. The many bhakta referenced in the movie never once called God ‘him’ or ‘it,’ but rather ‘everything.’ God as the ultimate Tribe, free of many of our western religious ideologies. We don’t ‘rise above’ to understand our relation to this tribe, this planet, this universe… we simple ‘come together’ with it.

John Lennon was onto something.

come together, right now.

So how did the Guru answer the redundant questions of ‘what do I do and how do I do it?’ He repeated:

Be you.

What does this mean?

“As much as possible, try to get rid of what you are not.”

The basic Bodytribe Premise is to ask WHY. Everyone in the fitness industry will give you their version of How and What, but who the fuck is asking WHY?! And yet we need to. Thankfully, the Guru of the Blissful Refuge agrees…

“It’s not important what you are doing. It’s important WHY you are doing. You can prepare food for just consuming. You can prepare food for someone you love. And you can prepare food for your Ishta, your Bhagwan… the Lord. So the action will be the same, Physically. But inside it is different. If you are forced to do some cooking for someone you don’t like, then you will do it… you will cook. But you won’t enjoy it.”

Yup.

“You came to meet me…
You could have come by cycle, you cold have come by car, you could have come by elephant, you could have come by foot. To reach here, there are so many directions. That depends on you, where you are present. Because… you are the most, or let me use my word, most-est, important person under the sun.”

Or, as Lennon wrote…

Dear Prudence, open up your eyes
Dear Prudence, see the sunny skies
The wind is low, the birds will sing
That you are part of everything
Dear Prudence, won’t you open up your eyes?

Look around

Anyone
Someone
Everyone

My mystic dream napkin made perfect sense:

You are not Anyone, you are Someone.
As Someone, you are not just Anyone,
You are Everyone.

Since our 2012 workshop schedule begins with a pair of kettlebell workshops, we thought we’d open this discussion up again…

Let’s Get Real!

Over 400 years ago someone filled a bell with lead and put a handle on it, effectively ‘dumbing’ the bell and giving the world a new workout tool. At least that is one story, and a convincing one, at least for the name. But similar toys made our muscles dance before that, often made of carved stone and with ages that pre-date Plato’s senior prom by a century or two. Halteres, or ‘throwing stones,’ would look right at home in any modern physical culture den today, although they were on the lighter side and used as a tool for jumping, not the common idea of pumping iron.

But, if we think for a minute what a bell with a handle actually looks like, our imagination doesn’t have to jump far to envision another common contraption that has survived for centuries, the kettle.

well... maybe not THIS kettle

Now there are certain modern marketing techniques that manipulate our love of exotic origins to funnel our ducats into coffers other than our own. The kettlebell suffers from this a bit, as its history is often embellished.

To be sure, most of the west abandoned the kettlebell part way through the last century, preferring instead tools like the dumbbell and barbell, probably because their plates could be loaded and unloaded with plates, and thanks in part to the rise of the sport of weightlifting and it’s official tool, the barbell.

Paul Anderson loved his barbells

But the geography eventually referred to as the Iron Curtain continued embracing the kettlebell as a formidable minion of gravity, thanks in no small part to gulags, where prisoners would whittle away their incarcerated hours throwing around these balls of iron.

But there is little evidence to suggest that Russia is the actual ground zero of the kettlebell’s timeline; history points instead to the British Isles, where kettlebell-like tools have been around for quite some time as variations of the original dumbbell (remember that bell with a handle?), and used as a throwing implement for early strength games in Scotland and Ireland (some even say derived from a curling weight, as in that weird ice sweeping sport).

Sure... I could see that.

Russia gets credit for the KB’s life support for over half a century, and that warrants some appreciation, but the Russian Kettlebell is a bit of a marketing coup, and a wise one aimed at our grudging respect to Soviet strength. Hey… as a country we opposed communism, but we had to admire their tenacity, right?

Anyway, the hype around the kettlebell doesn’t end there. Websites, articles, news reports and our source of all truth, YouTube, all sing the praise of kettlebells as if these lumps of metal have powers often attributed to messiahs and magicians. Did you know it was the Kettlebell that made [insert starlet of choice’s name here] ready for her role in that robot/alien/love story/superhero movie? Yes, the very same Kettlebell that burns fat, builds muscle, cures acne, does your laundry and writes your dissertation for you. You’ve heard of it, right? From Russia, I’m told…

As Allyson duly noted many years ago after reading one of these articles in Newsweek(!), “How? It just sits there.” Seriously… are ya supposed to rub it on yourself or something? Click here for one of the worst cases of KB proselytizing. Yikes.

Why do I bring this up two weeks before our next kettlebell workshops? For two really important reasons:

1) YOU are the magician. You make things happen. It is your journey, your lessons, your intensity, your commitment, your passion! When you apply those to a kettlebell, it will dance, sing and be a quality companion on your road to empowerment. A poor carpenter blames his tools, a weak carpenter looks to the tool to do the work for him (or her), and a confused carpenter chooses a single tool for a big job because it was featured in a segment on Entertainment Tonight.

(How’s that for isolated writer syndrome? Is Entertainment Tonight still on.)

and 2) PLEASE don’t rub it on yourself…much.

So in this case, don’t believe the hype; instead BE the hype. Are you willing to work hard? Are you passionate about strength, movement and ability? Then a kettlebell or two can be very competent comrades on your mission to empowerment. We’ll show you a handful of groovy moves that are pretty exclusive to the kettlebell, and yes, with the effort and intensity needed for ANY change happen, you and that kettlebell can have all sorts of productive fun.

Yes, I’m the worst promoter in the history of fitness. Our love for the kettlebell here at the tribe also means our love for proper kettlebell education. If there is anyone you know who is the least bit curious, let them know what we’re doing this weekend. They’ll learn the importance of effort and technique, not just the tool.

_________________________________________